¿Por qué?

Sueno de Gustavo :: Coatepec, Mexico (c) 2011 Skip Hunt

¿Por qué

Woke up early one morning and wondered in the darkness why I'm doing any of this. Why make images at all? Why write any of this down? Why care?

At first, it was easy to just claim it's just some artistic compulsion, or something mysterious I'd never know. But this time I decided to dig deeper. Why does it matter if I make images that give me pleasure or hopefully others a bit of pleasure as well?

What does it mean if someone other than myself approves of something I create? If they are giving me money that translates in a bit more freedom to move about, then that's one reason of course. But, I feel there's some other reason I'm doing this. Is it to document the experience to share with someone else? If so, who am I to think my experience is of any more interest than the reader's own experience?

I really don't know for certain. If it were purely financially driven, it'd be work and not so much what I'm compelled to do. There has to be some other reason.

Several years ago I participated in a Mesoteca ceremony in the mountains of Oaxaca, Mexico. I'll save the details of the experience for some other time, but at one point of the ceremony I had an out of body experience. This wasn't just a feeling. I saw myself from some point above as I moved into another place. Later, those there said they couldn't get a pulse and I didn't appear to be breathing.

The experience was so profound that I can't do it justice quickly, but there was a point where I was in a dark void and wondered if I'd died. Then wondered if I still existed. Or, if I'd ever existed at all. My life seemed like a faint dream that may possible have not even occurred at all.

There was some fairly powerful thought process going on, but I was dragged forcefully back into my body by the commands of one of the indians to return.

The next day I tried to explain what I'd experienced to a small group of young Mexican men who'd just arrived. They asked, "If this other place is so spectacular, why not stay there? Why come back?"

I told them that there question was certainly valid, but that as wonderful, powerful and joyful my impression of the other side was, I now had a new appreciation for what's here in this perceived life experience. And that I was now falling in love with all the differences in texture, color, line, temperature, gravity, weather, faces, emotion, etc.

I know there is something apart from this body, and I know that our perception of what we believe ourselves to be is nothing more than a collection of memories that form a story. However, I also know that the force that flows through this experience is much more and continues eternally.

I suppose it's this new appreciation of all the miraculous elements and differences that frame this story I call my life, and I'm trying to live this life in some sort of creative way that satisfies. And, I suppose that feeling of wondering if I ever existed at all has compelled me to make a few notes and illustrate the experience as best I can with images.

There is also great hope that act of focussed observation on the experience may reveal some other truth or remind me of truth I've already known but forgotten.

Audio Phone Blog in Coatepec HERE

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